you
pulled me out
of your pocket.
placed me between your lips.
your fumbling hands
shook me.
i could
feel your caloused, dirty fingers
on my white frame.
your
bitten nails.
god, you said you would
quit.
but you said you would quit a lot of things.
including me.
whispered to yourself.
guilty.
you
placed me between your lips.
and i
bloomed
in front of you.
a poppy on fire.
falling and gathering into a thousand tiny particles,
i traveled down your throat,
to rest in your chest,
close to your heart.
exhaling,
we burst out into the frigid air.
i disappeared into the sky.
the door opened.
she joined
you on the porch.
making motions with her hands,
looking glamourous.
i was jealous.
she wore
a wig and sunglasses,
in the dead of the night.
and she was
beautiful.
you
absent-mindedly put me down.
i felt
like i was going to break
apart, exposing my dry insides
to the scarred wooden railings.
but instead
i just fizzled away,
leaving my exhausted
breath to stain the flaked paint.
but then
you
held me.
slipped your fingers in between
my own and
grazed
my freckling skin.
i bloomed.
cinnamon sparklers
exploded.
i glittered in your presense.

he left.
i dropped him off this morning at the airport.
it was raining outside.
i tried so, so hard not to cry.
i kissed him, and i didn't want to stop kissing him, because when i did, i knew that he would leave.
and he did.

sitting in the room that once was his, the room that is now mine, i became incredibly sad.
his smell wrapped around me, seduced me, comforted me.
packing up all his extras, i had to sit down, and sobbed.

but i think he needs this.
and i know i do.
and so perhaps when he comes back home he will realize that he is home.
and that's all that i can hope for.

 

i said, "i'm going to miss you so much."

and he said, "i'll be back in two months."

but what i meant was, i am going to miss you so much right now.